Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished.– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
So a couple of weeks ago the Braxtons Family Values reunion aired and some folks gasped at something Toni Braxton said. She said that if she were to get married again it would be wonderful to marry for love and money, but if she had to choose between the two, she chose love. I agreed. Hear me out…
Before I got married I too was inlove with the idea of love. I love love! I love giving and receiving love. Love is addictive! However, what I wasn’t was confused about what marriage is. You can not live on love alone and it frightens me that some of the people I know have the mentality that you can.I want to marry someone that I’m in love with and I believe that no matter what comes our way, love will bring us through”.Really? That sounds like some fairytale, hippy stuff that my experience says I can’t subscribe to. I mean, is that why they say finances are the #1 cause of divorce? Because I guarantee you most folks aren’t getting divorced because their spouse makes too much money.
For the most part, I’m pretty confident that one thing women look for in a marriage is security. Not having money is stressful. Not knowing where your next meal is coming from is STRESSFUL. Love can’t pay your bills on time for you. Love can’t stop you from having to declare bankruptcy. Being married has opened my eyes. Yes I married my husband because I loved him, but that’s not the only reason. I also married my husband because he was God fearing, had a personality I could enjoy “forever”, finanacially savvy, and he was a hard worker. Now say I decided to marry someone from years ago, who didn’t have those qualities. I would be miserable, but not for long because I would be in divorce court getting rid of him. January 12, 2011 my husband and I had our babygirl. June 2011 I was laid off. Laid off…with a baby…with hospital bills to pay from my 8 day stay there on top of many other bills. If my husband wasn’t who he is, more than likely I would be in someones shelter. Could our love survive that? I doubt it. I believe we would fight hard for it to, but in the end being homeless and penniless would leave us bitter and at odds with one another.
Marriage is hard work. Hard.Work. Whatever you’re facing in your relationship is nothing like what you face in marriage. Above everything else, marriage is a ministry. The devil fights marriage like it’s his only job. He knows how much God loves marriage so he desires to tear marriage apart. You come up against a lot in marriage, you just do. Don’t get me wrong, marriage is also very fun and gives you a sense of security that you may not experience otherwise. It’s a love and commitment deeper than anything else I’ve ever experienced. I love marriage. I love what it stands for, I love the way God blesses through it. It’s a beautiful thing. But God created marriage so that you could have a helpmate. I don’t remember reading, and please point this out to me if I’m wrong, that marriage was simply so that you could love love love! Love is the bonus, love is a gift. I’m blessed to have married a man who I love and who loves me. No, I wouldn’t marry for money only and I highly doubt Toni Braxton would either. But if you don’t believe finances are just as important than love, you are highly mistaken. I’m not an advocate for divorce at all. I’m constantly the one telling folks to stay, work it out. But I do understand that sometimes you can just be stretched too thin and not have anything else to give.
I’m not saying go out there and marry the first guy (or woman) you meet that has fat pockets. What I am saying is marry wisely. Money comes and goes and yes, love does help carry us through tough times, but there are certain stressors that you could avoid by not letting your heart make all the choices. Marry someone who is committed to working as hard as they love.