Bank of America, I Quit You!

15 Dec

I have been a member of Bank of America for years, since my second year of college. I’ve always simply adored them. Finding an ATM machine on every corner, no monthly fees (because they let me keep my account as a “student”), great customer service. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times BOA came to my rescue. When I was a silly child I would try to buy $25 worth of groceries with only $2 in my account, but BOA let me! I would pull out my card, inhale 1, 2, 3, swipe, exhale, 4, 5, 6, and beam when that machine said “approved” and I could eat for yet another week. Of course the overdraft fees were nothing cute, but as a broke college student the system worked in my favor.

Not anymore.

Do you know those bastidges are holding my money hostage! My money! Hostage! MY MONEY! Whew lawd, it took Jesus and all 12 of the disciples to hold me back from marching up to one of their branches and holding a sit in. Let me take a few steps back, calm down, and explain.

When I was in High School God dropped two of the most wonderful angels in the world in my life. For the sake of anonymity I’ll call them the Scotts. The Scotts helped pay for me to go to High School, and helped pay for college. Imagine my amazement when they said they wanted to help me pay for graduate school. isn’t that crazy? Who gives from their heart like that these days? Not many folks I know! Anywho, I had humbly accepted their help. So at the beginning of each semester they supply me with a check that is always so tempting. More money than I’ve had in my account E V E R! However, it clearly says “scholarship fund” on the check, so I woosssaaahhh, bring myself back to reality, and go online to pay for my classes. So Sunday, I did the same as always. I signed and deposited my check at the ATM knowing the funds would be released by Tuesday, like they always are…right? WRONG! I check my account today and it says my funds are on hold UNTIL DECEMBER 23RD! What the…have they…do they know…maaaaaaaannnnnnn Jesus you better hold me back! So I call them. “Welcome to Bank of America, may I have…” “I want my money. I want my money, and I want it now.” I give ole girl all of my information, and she basically tells me there’s nothing they can do. They check the system and see that why yes, I do make this deposit twice a year, and no, my check has never been held hostage before, but indeed, I willl have to wait until the 23rd. “I want it back” “excuse me ma’am?” “I want my check back. Give me my check back. I WANT MY MONEY BACK!!!!” Le sigh. Let me just say that today, I still don’t have my money back. They released a small portion of the check into my account, but that’s all I get for now. That portion doesn’t even pay for ONE of my classes. It barely pays for a credit. I kindly let them know that as of December 24, 2009 I will no longer be a member of BOA. I’m done. I’m tired. People have tried to convince me for years to leave BOA, but I just didn’t have the issues they had. I was exempt. Well not anymore, and I told the customer service agent “ma’am, don’t take it personally when I say this, just think of it as taking one for the team but…I quit you. I don’t like you anymore and you really do leave a sour taste in my mouth. I never want to speak to you again, and if I should pass you on the street, I can just about guarandaggontee you that I will NOT be stopping by to make a deposit. We must go our seperate ways. Good bye and God bless”. And that’s it. Another relationship ended in my life. I’m moving on. To where I don’t know, but it’ll be far far far away from that piece of crap bank known as Bank of America. Good riddance!

~HG

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